6th May

I'm going to try to log my daily thoughts/emotions.

It seems my memory can be altered based on my current mood.

I started spotting today.

I guess my period will start tomorrow.

Once again, I felt terrible.

This terrible feeling inside me makes my heart feel heavy.

I think I might hurt myself tonight. 

It's one of those days I can't stand not being occupied.

But at the same time,

nothing interests me anymore.

Not movies,

not games.

So I keep browsing social media instead.

My head feels a little floaty,

I can feel my heart pounding.

Sometimes I scream for help internally 

desperately wishing someone could help me stop feeling so miserable.

I wish someone would help me,

believe me,

take me seriously ...

Why doesn't anybody believe me?

Must I kill myself for them to realise?

Please stop feeling so crappy already ...

There are days where I don't feel so bad,

so I start telling myself I'm faking my memory,

exaggerating to gain sympathy or what not. 

Haha, even I don't believe in myself either. 

And there are days like these where I hated myself for not believing,

not seeking help sooner.