Needless to say, I cried ...
Help me
Help me
My head screamed as I once again faced insomnia.
I was busy on the 14th,
child was coming back on mdnight of 15th,
so I was busy preparing.
I vacuumed my room,
packed my bag and headed to his house where I made this mousse dessert.
It was a simple recipe yet it took me awhile.
I felt retarded,
my thoughts aren't in order.
We left the house at 1am ish for the airport.
Thank god the plane arrived early and we didnt have to wait that long.
I spent sometime with child just chilling on the bed before going to sleep.
I errrr
I was tired as heck,
I havent been sleeping well, or much.
Initially I start feeling the heart pounding feeling again
coupled with shortness of breathe,
and I wondered if it's because he had his arms on me.
But it soon went under control and I fell asleep.
I woke up early too.
With about 5-6 hours of sleep.
Child woke up earlier than I
I tried to go back to sleep fully but it just bugs me that he's not around,
so I got up eventually, about an hour after him.
Well, the day passed and I was never alone with my thoughts.
I got some shut eye at 9 plus pm?
I have a headache
so I thought to take some time off the computer.
I set an alarm for 15 mins
and I drifted off the sleep,
jerking awake slighting a few times,
but I went back to sleep regardless
cause I was tired?
We played a lilttle more before calling it a day and retiring to bed
and I couldn't sleep
I have the heavy heart pounding feeling again
and my thoughts started running wild because I have nothing to keep me occupied and I'm essentially
alone with my thoughts.
I felt guilty about yuzu and momo,
I don't know if mum or sis will remember to feed them at all.
I felt guilt about not staying home with yume so she's all alone in the day.
I am so torn between wanting to spend time with my love and my guilt towards my pets.
and then
I'm like,
Why can't I just sleep?
WHY?!
Why torment me so?
Do I have a problem?
Can someone help me?
Will someone believe me?
Please don't tell me to meditate
please don't tell me to "relax" my mind
Those "home remedies" would've worked if they worked at all.
Please help me ...
Please ...
I couldn't even dig my nails into myself cause I cut them short
I hate this
I hate myself
Why can't I just sleep?
Even if I have a problem and people acknowledged it
I don't have money to seek help.
If I want to be able to afford medical checks,
I need money.
and to have money, I need to work.
how am I able to hold employment when I am as fucked up as I am now?
How?
I thought child being by my side would restore peace into my heart;
but apparently not.
Someone save me ...
Help me
My head screamed as I once again faced insomnia.
I was busy on the 14th,
child was coming back on mdnight of 15th,
so I was busy preparing.
I vacuumed my room,
packed my bag and headed to his house where I made this mousse dessert.
It was a simple recipe yet it took me awhile.
I felt retarded,
my thoughts aren't in order.
We left the house at 1am ish for the airport.
Thank god the plane arrived early and we didnt have to wait that long.
I spent sometime with child just chilling on the bed before going to sleep.
I errrr
I was tired as heck,
I havent been sleeping well, or much.
Initially I start feeling the heart pounding feeling again
coupled with shortness of breathe,
and I wondered if it's because he had his arms on me.
But it soon went under control and I fell asleep.
I woke up early too.
With about 5-6 hours of sleep.
Child woke up earlier than I
I tried to go back to sleep fully but it just bugs me that he's not around,
so I got up eventually, about an hour after him.
Well, the day passed and I was never alone with my thoughts.
I got some shut eye at 9 plus pm?
I have a headache
so I thought to take some time off the computer.
I set an alarm for 15 mins
and I drifted off the sleep,
jerking awake slighting a few times,
but I went back to sleep regardless
cause I was tired?
We played a lilttle more before calling it a day and retiring to bed
and I couldn't sleep
I have the heavy heart pounding feeling again
and my thoughts started running wild because I have nothing to keep me occupied and I'm essentially
alone with my thoughts.
I felt guilty about yuzu and momo,
I don't know if mum or sis will remember to feed them at all.
I felt guilt about not staying home with yume so she's all alone in the day.
I am so torn between wanting to spend time with my love and my guilt towards my pets.
and then
I'm like,
Why can't I just sleep?
WHY?!
Why torment me so?
Do I have a problem?
Can someone help me?
Will someone believe me?
Please don't tell me to meditate
please don't tell me to "relax" my mind
Those "home remedies" would've worked if they worked at all.
Please help me ...
Please ...
I couldn't even dig my nails into myself cause I cut them short
I hate this
I hate myself
Why can't I just sleep?
Even if I have a problem and people acknowledged it
I don't have money to seek help.
If I want to be able to afford medical checks,
I need money.
and to have money, I need to work.
how am I able to hold employment when I am as fucked up as I am now?
How?
I thought child being by my side would restore peace into my heart;
but apparently not.
Someone save me ...