I have strangely been in a fair mood the past few days,
as if the period "fixed" me this time instead.
Although I still get bouts of irritability and anger issue.

It's getting suspicious.
Am I really fine again?
Do I need to cancel the psychiatrist appointment?
Is it a trick?

I still see troubles looming on the horizon.
Like the other day, auntie casually asked about me not transferring money this month,
she said it's alright to pay back later if I'm tight on money now
but I almost went back to self-blame again.
I know she meant well, and it took me a lot of self-bashing to get over that self-imposed stress,
an innocent question can trigger alot ...

Insomnia ...
is what scares me the most
for two nights now,
even though I'm supposed to be tired and falling into sleep,
I find it easy to wander,
last night I was suddenly reminded of the robo hamster that drowned to death,
even though it wasn't my fault,
I almost burst into tears;
I was on the brink of being not able to fall asleep again,
and it scares me.

This morning, two bloody wrong calls from the same person
woke me up.
You see, my eyes, my body is still screaming that "I'm tired! Go back to sleep!"
but the mind has started running,
I can't go back to sleep.
This is what scares me the most, the inability to sleep.